Grief
by Lindaleriel
Summary: My vision for the goodbye episode for Finn. RIP Cory Monteith


Very very rough and choppy, I wouldn't normally post something in this state, especially given the number of years since I posted anything at all (does not help that I am terribly out of practice at writing anything and I cannot figure out how to indent on this system, very annoying), but I think we're all finding our own ways to deal with the sad news and this was mine. It's kind of my vision for how I would personally like to see the show deal with Cory Monteith's passing, I wrote it thinking of it as an actual episode. I also had a very hard time deciding on the first song, between "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" from Phantom and Sarah McLaughlin's Angel; I'm still not sure which one would be best, so feel free to imagine whichever you would prefer. (I went with the Phantom simply because I thought it fit this particular story better especially being sung at NYADA, even though I think Angel fit's both Lea's voice and Cory's story better) So many thoughts and prayers with Lea, the rest of the cast and crew, and all of Cory's family and friends.

* * *

Rachel stood to take her turn, the assignment was grief, she had thought long and hard about her song choice and decided that although it might be cliché she knew which song she wanted to tackle.

You were once my one companion  
You were all that mattered  
You were once a friend and father  
Then my world was shattered

Wishing you were somehow here again  
Wishing you were somehow near  
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed  
Somehow you would be here

Wishing I could hear your voice again  
Knowing that I never would  
Dreaming of you won't help me to do  
All that you dreamed I could  
Passing bells and sculpted angels  
Cold and monumental seem, for you the wrong companions  
You were warm and gentle

Too many years fighting back tears  
Why can't the past just die?  
Wishing you were somehow here again  
Knowing we must say, "Goodbye"  
Try to forgive, teach me to live  
Give me the strength to try

No more memories, no more silent tears  
No more gazing across the wasted years  
Help me say, "Goodbye"  
Help me say, "Goodbye"

She opened her eyes as the last note died away to see Kurt standing in the doorway, clutching his phone and looking pale and devastated. His voice cracked as he addressed the professor.

"I need to speak to Rachel, please." The professor murmured her assent but Rachel hardly noticed as she stepped towards her friend,

"Kurt, what…" She couldn't even finish the question, knowing from his expression that she should dread the answer. Kurt took a shuddering breath,

"Rachel, there's… been an accident. Finn…" he choked and swallowed "Finn is gone"

Rachel felt the bottom drop out of her world; all sounds around her seemed muted and she was barely aware as she sank to her knees and began sobbing. Nor did she notice as Kurt wrapped his arms around her as he joined her tears, or the murmuring of her classmates as they witnessed the roommates' grief.

* * *

Emma Pillsbury-Schuester focused on the clack clack of her heels as she walked down the hall to deliver the devastating news. She could hear cheerful music and boisterous singing as the New Directions had their rehearsal. She paused with her hand on the handle, wishing she didn't have this news to deliver. Her eyes sought out her husband as she opened the door. Will noticed her almost instantly but the beaming smile he greeted her with died instantly as he took in her especially pale and wide eyes face.

"Whoah! Whoa! Guys!" He waved the glee club to silence. "Emma?"

"I'm afraid I have some very very sad news" She started quietly, "Finn was in a car accident this morning, he didn't make it." The silence stretched out oppressively, until Tina broke it with a quiet,

"No!" Soft sobbing slowly overtook the room.

* * *

Blaine waited at the arrivals gate, still numb with grief. He had volunteered to pick up the New Yorkers, things were still not entirely resolved between him and Kurt but wherever their romance may or may not be, Kurt was still his best friend who had just lost a brother, Blaine needed to be with him. He finally saw them, Rachel and Kurt clinging to each other as they walked with Santana right behind, he had never seen Rachel look so small and lost, Kurt was similarly subdued and red eyed. As they reached Blaine Kurt let go of his roommate to embrace Blaine, soaking up the comfort from the boy he, yes, ok, he was too tired and heart sore to dodge the issue at the moment, loved. Santana took his place holding Rachel.

"How are you holding up?" Blaine asked quietly as they started walking to the car. Kurt took a shaky breath.

"At the moment, mostly numb, but, numb, tears, anger, they all come in waves." Blaine nodded.

"How about Rachel?" he added hesitantly.

"Completely shattered," Kurt admitted, "Only barely functioning really." He looked back at where Santana was guiding Rachel along.

"Yeah." Blaine sighed. "Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury are with your dad and Carole," Blaine offered, "Rachel's dads are planning to meet us there. Most the New Directions are gathering at Artie's; Britney, Mike, and Puck are here already, Mercedes is on her way and Quinn won't get here until tomorrow." Kurt nodded absently. They walked in silence until the car came into view.

"We all take riding in a car so casually" Kurt mused as he reached out and touched it, "But then.." he couldn't go on. Blaine gave him a sympathetic look as he reached out to squeeze Kurt's shoulder.

* * *

The morning of the funeral was one of those strange bland days where you can't really call it sunny but you can't really call it cloudy either. Carole and Rachel clung to each other as they sat in the front row, a sob occasionally breaking out from one or both of them. A wet eyed Burt kept a hand on his wife's back as he sat shoulder to shoulder with a silent and red eyed Kurt. Kurt, in turn, had a tight grip on Blaine's hand. Blaine watched his not exactly ex but also not exactly boyfriend with concern. The rest of the New Directions along with Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury sat in the row behind them, some crying softly, some staring silently at the blown up picture of Finn sitting in front of the coffin. Mr. Shue gave the eulogy, he spoke of Finn's leadership, how he had always been the glue of New Directions, how Finn's joining the New Directions had saved Mr. Schue from a job he would have hated and preserved his calling as a teacher and how Finn had then gone on to finally find his own calling as a teacher. The New Directions, both old and new, then all joined him on stage to sing goodbye to Finn together.

Puck started,

"Everybody's looking for that something  
One thing that makes it all complete  
You'll find it in the strangest places  
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children  
Some find it in their lover's eyes  
Who can deny the joy it brings  
When you've found that special thing  
You're flying without wings"

Quinn laid a hand on Pucks arm as she continued, the group picking up the background.

"Some find it sharing every morning  
Some in their solitary lives  
You'll find it in the words of others  
A simple line can make you laugh or cry"

Santana stepped forward.

"You'll find it in the deepest friendship  
The kind you cherish all your life  
And when you know how much that means  
You've found that special thing  
You're flying without wings"

Rachel struggled through a verse before breaking down,

"So, impossible as they may seem  
You've got to fight for every dream  
Cos who's to know which one you let go  
Would have made you complete"

Blaine put an arm around her as he relieved her

"Well, for me it's waking up beside you  
To watch the sunrise on your face  
To know that I can say I love you  
In any given time or place"

Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand and glanced at him as he joined in.

"It's little things that only I know  
Those are the things that make you mine  
And it's like flying without wings  
Cos you're my special thing  
I'm flying without wings?"

The entire New Directions embraced as they sang together with Puck wrapping up the last line.

"And you're the place my life begins  
And you'll be where it ends

I'm flying without wings  
And that's the joy you bring  
I'm flying without wings."

* * *

They all found themselves drifting to the auditorium by the evening; they sat clustered on the stage as they shared stories of Finn. They started with Finn's best moments, when he brought them together as a group, when he inspired them, when he loved them, but as the night wore on they began to smile a bit more and laugh a little, to tell the funnier and less flattering stories, what a hopeless dancer he was, how clueless he could be, the mailman story. The newer New Directions drifted of by ones and twos until only the core were left, Kurt and Blaine, Rachel, Santana, Brittany, Sam, Artie, Mercedes, Quinn, Puck, Mike, and Tina. After a while a companionable silence fell. Just as the silence was beginning to get uncomfortable Artie reached into his backpack for something,

"I made something, and I was kind of hoping you all would help me with it. Here." He passed a framed photo to Tina next to him and watched as it rounded the room, everyone smiling or chuckling sadly, some reaching out to touch the photo of Finn. "I just, there is that picture of the old Glee club leader in the choir room, and I just felt like we needed to add Finn, to the memorial wall."

The group slowly made their way to the choir room where Puck added a nail to the wall and Rachel hung the photo. They all couldn't help but smile at the quote Artie had chosen. "The show's gotta go all over the place, or something" Blaine sat at the piano and as one, they started the opening to "Don't Stop Believing", slowly, softly, with an air of melancholy. No one had the heart to take Finn's part so they just continued in the background as Blaine quietly played the melody, all of them aching at the missing voice and the empty harmonies without Finn. Every time Rachel lost the ability to keep singing someone else would be there the put an arm around her and keep the music going, Kurt, Santana, Quinn, Puck. As the song ended they all silently huddled into a group hug. The sun would rise again, they would all go back to their rapidly separating lives, but for tonight they were a family united in grief.


End file.
